Archives - July 2011

FUNNY MONEY
by Ray Cooney

Produced by Clare-Louise Mitchell

THE PLAY

Farce: 1970s, set in a townhouse in Fulham.

Mild-mannered bank clerk Henry Perkins has accidentally managed to swap his briefcase for one containing £735,000 in used notes. Considering this to be quite a lucky turn of events, he immediately sets about arranging for himself, wife Jean and the money to take a one-way trip to Barcelona. This is complicated by a number of things, all of which are about to happen more or less simultaneously...
Sergeant Davenport is first to arrive, just after Henry has booked taxi, flights and explained to Jean about the money (which he has worked out must be the illicit property of an unidentified Mr. Nasty, daytime job: criminal). Davenport was in the local pub and observed Henry repeatedly sidled into the toilets. Not knowing that it was to count and re-count the money, he concluded Henry was actually soliciting. While he is waiting to interview Henry on that subject, Bill from Fulham Taxis turns up and a flustered Jean - not wanting Davenport to know Henry's plans - pretends the taxi is for her sister Adelaide and brother-in-law Percy, returning to Australia after a holiday. That successfully confuses everyone except Jean, but Henry manages to recover enough to steer Davenport into the kitchen and Bill out of the door.

Moments later, friends Vic and Betty make an appearance, expecting to share a birthday dinner with Henry and instead getting a heavy-drinking Jean in charge of a lot of money of dubious provenance. Added to which, Vic has just hit Bill's taxi outside and is expecting trouble to come of it. None of them are quite expecting Henry to breezily admit that he has just confessed he was indeed soliciting men to Davenport and is willing to bribe him with £25, 000 pounds to forget all about it. More confusion ensues, at the end of which Detective Sergeant Slater enters through the open front door to find Jean on her own, still drinking heavily.
Slater has brought Henry's briefcase, found in the river Thames next to a badly-mutilated body that is assumed to be Henry's pending official identification by his wife. Covering the fact that Henry isn't as dead as all that, Jean is forced to introduce him to Slater as Henry's brother Freddy, married to the currently recumbent Genevieve. Covering further for the presence of Davenport, reappearing at an inopportune moment, Henry introduces him as Henry's other brother Archie and persuades Slater to wait in the dining-room while Jean gets ready to go and identify the body. Henry has realised that the dead man is almost certainly Mr. Nasty, daytime job: ex-criminal - and that there may be a small problem in the shape of Mr. Big, daytime job: chief criminal. And if Mr. Big put the late Mr. Nasty in the river, he would have had ample time to check Henry's briefcase for an address. When they get a phone call from an angry, foreign-sounding gentleman seconds later, his suspicions are confirmed.

It takes some time to get Vic and Betty up to speed as to the situation, during which Davenport has to be convinced they are Percy and Adelaide, a very drunk Jean decides she wants to go to bed and Bill gets cross about still having to wait. Rather unfortunately, due to the need for people to quickly conceal the money under the only available cover - a blanket on the sofa - both Davenport and Slater are given the distinct impression that the various "family" members enjoy somewhat perverse levels of physical contact. Davenport considers it an opportunity to extract a larger bribe: Slater is merely disgusted.

While Vic negotiates with Davenport, Jean locks herself in the toilet. Slater decides that "Percy" could attend the morgue instead, and Vic is talked into agreeing. Betty, meanwhile, breaks the upstairs door down and drags Jean downstairs in her dressing-gown - at which point Jean flatly refuses to consider going to live in Barcelona, closely followed by Betty volunteering to go in her place while Jean goes to live with Vic. And then, just as everyone is about to get moving, Jean remembers that their cat needs to be taken care of. The frustration is getting to Bill, who angrily answers the phone and inadvertently gives away the Perkins' full address to Mr. Big.
It is about then that Henry - wanting to divide the cash half and half with Jean - is stunned to realise Slater has accidentally taken the briefcase with the money, and left his real briefcase. Fortunately, Slater returns, having just run over the cat. Vic manages to switch the briefcases. There is brief celebration, before Slater marches him off to the morgue, once again taking the money briefcase on the way out. There is brief depression, but even more fortunately Slater has to return again, having been involved in a complicated car accident with a passing pedestrian. Once again, the briefcases are successfully swapped and, while Slater goes to tend to the pedestrian, Davenport returns with news that the injured man was, in fact, Mr. Big and is now considerably more injured than he was when he first met Davenport. There are more celebrations: Jean decides to go to Barcelona after all, along with Vic accompanying Betty, Davenport as permanent security guard and  Bill as their gardener.
As they all rush about to get organised, though, Mr. Big comes in through the back door carrying a briefcase and a gun. Injured and Dutch he may be, but his offer to shoot Vic if the money is not returned is clear enough. Vic is saved by Jean and Betty, who batter Mr. Big to the floor, where Slater arrests him. Henry is forced to confess the truth and give the briefcase to Slater: Mr. Big's briefcase actually turns out to be holding £735, 000-worth of cocaine for which he was expecting the cash payment. Slater takes all three briefcases and the very discomforted Mr. Big away, leaving a disconsolate group to go back to Henry's birthday dinner.

Luckily for them, Bill had figured out much earlier what was going on and switched the money from the briefcase into the suitcase belonging to "Adelaide and Percy" that he has been waiting to take to the airport all night...looks like it will be Barcelona after all...

FROM THE GROUP

Funny Money was exactly what it was suppose to be. A fantastic script that opened up the possibilities for hilarious rehearsals and a great play. We had a lovely audience who seemed to enjoy themselves and went home with a smile on their faces.
Like all Ray Cooney scripts the play was complicated and turned out to be longer than expected. This meant that the cast had to work ever so hard to learn the additional lines in advance to leave time to work on all those movements. They did such a good job bringing it all together towards the end and you could see that even with the extra work they really did enjoy the play. I loved watching it over and over again and the ending never failed to make me want to jump up clapping and cheering. What a fantastic job they all did, I was very happy with the results. As always you could use an extra couple of weeks, but where would the fun be in that?
I look forward to the next farce the group does and I hope to be able to take part in the acting side of a comedy so I can join in on the fun.

Clare-Louise - Producer

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PREVIEWS & REVIEWS

Preview from the Worthing Herald, 21st July 2011

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